Alas, the annual Figgy Pudding Festival, highest holy day on the White Bourgeoisie calendar, went off on Friday without a hitch. Cops were everywhere, and there was not a single, solitary mohawk in sight. Woo-Hoo!
Why is Figgy Pudding so special to upper-middle-class whites and the upper-middle-class whites at heart (Asian girls I’m looking at you)?
Are you kidding?
Singing Christmas carols, on the downtown streets of a major city, to benefit the homeless, while the homeless are kept far, far away?
We’re talking urban adventure without the risk, an audience of thousands watching you sing like Whitney, and
Continue reading Whitefest 2014
Figgy Pudding in Westlake Center
It could not have possibly been more clear.
Lest anyone have a shred of doubt about the sincerity of Seattle’s Ferguson Protestors, that doubt no longer exists. The “leader” of the group has finally admitted what the rest of us knew all along.
“We don’t care.”
Tonight, the annual Figgy Pudding fundraiser will take place in and around Westlake Center, and true to self-centered, “screw the poor, it’s all about me and my affluent friends” form, Fauxhawk and his band of Merry Suburbanites are having another playdate.
Organizers of a longtime holiday tradition
Continue reading Seattle Protestors Finally Confess: We Don’t Care About Anyone But Ourselves
Child Bullying, minority displacing, priapism curing, emotionally-stunted, psychopathic, pathetic cowards on the lookout for grown-ups or anyone who might be able to fight back.
You know, I’ve taken on the local protest groups quite a bit in the pages of my blog, but I’ve always done so as a protestor myself, and there’s always been at least some element of tongue-in-cheek expression in my opposition. Despite my criticism of their sincerity, I’ve always maintained some level of hope that I was wrong about them, and I’ve always felt a tiny bit of, even if it is not always palpable,
Continue reading A Cowardly Christmas Spawns a Wake-up Call
They’re bored as hell, and they’re not going to take it any more!
Believe it or not, I had to work today.
Yes, yes, I know, I know, working is sooooo proletariat, and therefore so un-nuevo-Seattle, but somebody’s gotta do it. If the economy collapses, the trust fund checks stop, and then the outraged class will really have something to complain about.
As I made my way back to the office from lunch, I got caught in the trust-fund social event as it made its way from Westlake Park to the U.S. Courthouse.
Folks, do you know what an
Continue reading Seattle’s Ferguson Social Parade
Portland. A place so pretentious, that people come to Seattle for authenticity.
Portland used to be cool. Then, as the wage gap widened over the past decade, the offspring of the wealthy moved in, kicked the cool out, and before you knew it, the town was flooded with vinegar and water.
Now, you can’t walk down a Portland street without being beaten over the head by manufactured quirkiness.
“Look everyone, that guy is riding a unicycle, isn’t he quirky?”
“Look everyone, that girl has a donut-sized ear piercing, isn’t she quirky?”
Call me crazy, but Portland was way
Continue reading That Quirky Portland
I’m happy to report that the First Annual Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night was a rousing success. It was so successful, in fact, that the organizers have decided to host a Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night each and every year, at the same exact place, 3928 1st Avenue S, Seattle WA 98134.
To those of you arriving by search engine over the next 12 months, let me ask you a question … don’t these pictures look fun?
Of course they look fun! Fun is what Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night is all about.
If you missed SSHFN this year,
Continue reading Scenes From Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014
While sorting through my photos this evening, I was reminded of a couple of guys who stole the show last weekend at the Bite of Seattle.
During one band’s set, two guys from the audience had proceeded to, uh, dance.
While they were obviously being goofy, they actually had talent. For instance, the guy in the white did a dive, transitioned into a breakdance two-step, then did a few baby swipes before getting back up and spazzing out. The guy in blue, well, the guy in blue reminded me of who Flava Flav would be were he white.
Continue reading Dancin’ Fools
The 2014 Bite of Seattle is upon us, and yesterday, we walked over to the festivities to check it out.
It was crowded, a little too crowded at times, but fun nonetheless. I ate more stuff than I care to remember, about twenty percent of which was actually edible.
The real draw, as usual, was the music, which, although I never happened to be present when the band names were announced, was really good.
Fortunately, the temperatures cooled off a bit, sparing me from both food poisoning and a nose full of B.O. Fine, I wasn’t really “spared” from either,
Continue reading Scenes from the 2014 Bite of Seattle
Stereotypes? What Stereotypes? I don’t see any stereotypes?
Did you know that cherry trees only produce fruit after a long cold-spell?
It’s true. This is why cherries grow in British Columbia, but don’t grow in the tropics.
You see, the cherry tree is extremely averse to procreating in autumn, because it “knows” that its offspring will not survive the winter. In order to improve the odds of its species’ survival, the cherry tree waits until after cold weather passes before procreating.
Survival of the species. It’s one of the strongest instincts on earth. It’s so strong that it’s even
Continue reading Seattle Gay Pride 2014
By the sounds of the helicopters circling overhead en-masse, I can tell what the date is without even looking at a calendar.
That’s right, boys and girls, it’s our annual revolution. Our yearly “look at me” Middle-Child Fest. The day when affluent white kids from the suburbs descend on the city, pretend to revolt, shoot off a little silly string, then go back home before someone gets hurt.
So as not to have their 5 straight hours of “news” coverage lull us to sleep, each year, all of the news stations, but especially King 5, try to create some
Continue reading May Day 2014: Feel the Rage